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I wanted to share my story in case it helps anyone feel less alone.
“I wanted to share my story in case it helps anyone feel less alone. I was used to hearing about postpartum depression but had no idea it could start during pregnancy. And that’s exactly what happened to me. Most of the months of my pregnancy together constituted the darkest period of my life. I had a history of panic attacks and anxiety but had never experienced depression before. I was about 2 months pregnant when it started. It was spring of 2020 and we were in the midst of a pandemic. It felt like my world had stopped, and maybe together with the increase of hormones I felt terrified of my change in mood. I felt extremely low, a feeling so unfamiliar to me it also gave me intense anxiety. I experienced intrusive thoughts, which were incredibly distressing. And I was the bad guy in all of them. With the help of my sister I sought out a reproductive psychiatrist who helped me immensely. I started medication and also attended the Motherhood Center online support groups. It was truly a terrible time in my life- not how I’d ever imagine my pregnancy to be. I still feel robbed of those months and what a positive pregnancy experience could have been, but I am coming to terms with it. You will get through it, you will feel better. It’s not an easy journey but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone. Prenatal depression and anxiety, though less talked about, is real. And it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, or that you are not meant to mother. I encourage anyone going through any type of PMAD to seek help, and not suffer in silence.”