Answers by guest writer: Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, Co-Founder of Phoenix Health
Yes, like mothers, fathers can experience PPD as well. While fathers and non-birthing partners may not experience the same physiological changes that mothers do, they do experience a major life transition as they enter parenthood. Research shows that fathers experience hormonal changes during the first year of their child’s life, including lower testosterone and higher levels of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and cortisol (the stress hormone). These hormonal changes, combined with sleep deprivation and the pressure of new parenthood, make fathers vulnerable to depression during this time. Paternal postpartum depression is a real mental health condition.
How common is it, and why do cases go undiagnosed?
We know that approximately 1 in 10 new dads experiences depression after having a baby. The number gets much higher if the mother is also struggling with depression. Even though it is common, many fathers go undiagnosed. One of the reasons for this is the pressure on men to be “the rock” of the family. Society expects fathers to be strong and not ask for help. Fathers are also not the focus of postpartum care, so few are screened for perinatal mental health conditions, which results in many slipping through the cracks.
Does it look different in men than in women?
Depression is typically marked by sadness that lasts for several weeks, but depression might look different in fathers. Instead of crying, studies show that fathers are more likely to display irritability and anger. They might also try to escape their feelings through alcohol, work, or hobbies. Of course some fathers do show more typical signs of depression like sadness, withdrawal, and isolation. There is no one-size-fits-all. It’s important to be on the lookout for all of the different signs of depression and not to disregard irritability as a symptom.
How does a father’s mental health affect the family?
A family’s mental health is interconnected. If a mother is struggling, she needs her partner’s support to get better. But if the father is struggling, he might not have the energy to give that support. On the flip side, if a mom is struggling, the father might try to keep moving forward and push his own emotions to the side. This pattern can lead to burnout and further fuel depression. When one parent is struggling, it affects the entire family system and can impact the parent’s experience of bonding with their baby.
How can a dad help his partner while also taking care of himself?
The importance of putting on your own “oxygen mask” first cannot be overstated. You can’t help someone if you are running on empty. In order to support your partner while taking care of yourself, you need clear boundaries. This means not taking on too much at once or being the “superhero” by saying yes to everything and denying help. It is also important to keep a connection to yourself. Even taking just 15 minutes to exercise, go for a walk, or call a friend can give you the energy that you need to be there for your family.
If a father is reading this and feels overwhelmed right now, what are the first three steps he should take?
The first thing is to let someone know what you are feeling, whether that’s your partner, a trusted friend, or therapist. Saying it out loud makes it feel less scary and helps you realize that you’re not alone. Next, speak with your doctor. Mental health conditions often manifest physically, so this is not the time to forgo your annual check up. Finally, speak with an expert, such as a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health. These professionals understand the unique stresses that come with becoming a parent and can give you the right tools to feel better. You don’t need to tough it out on your own, nor should you.
A note from The Motherhood Center:
What you’re feeling is real. It has a name. And you are not weak, not broken, and not alone. When you’re ready, reach out to your own doctor, to your partner’s care team, or directly to a specialist in perinatal mental health. At TMC, our Care Coordinators are here to help the whole family find the right level of support. That absolutely includes partners and dads.
And if you can, don’t wait until things get harder. PMADs are highly treatable, especially when caught early. The sooner you take that first step, the sooner things can start to feel different.
We’re here when you’re ready. Call us at 212-335-0034 or visit themotherhoodcenter.com/new-patient.
Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, is the Co-Founder of Phoenix Health, a therapy practice specializing in perinatal mental health. She has a doctorate in Clinical Psychology and has spent the last 10 years supporting individuals and families navigating infertility, grief and loss, and the transition to parenthood. She is also a passionate advocate for maternal mental health and a PSI volunteer.