Often, the start of a new year is equated with a fresh start. It is revered as a new chapter, a time to strive to become a better, more refined version of ourselves and, for many, a better version of ourselves as mothers. Questions circulate around goals and resolutions that are often framed as a complete overhaul of the self, promising an improved life and a better overall mental state. Embedded in this expectation is the belief that our current way of being is not good enough, and worse, that anything less than doing more or doing better is a failure.
For those experiencing a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMAD), the pressure to add another goal or task can feel nearly impossible. Now, what if the goal was not about how much more we can do, or how much better we can become, but instead about how much less? This idea may feel counterintuitive given how society conceptualizes New Year’s resolutions. Yet I would argue that it is deeply intuitive to create space to slow down and listen to what you, as a mother, may need perhaps for the first time in a long time.
Striving for improvement is an innate part of the human condition. We want to be healthier, fitter, more productive, and more present with our children and families. This often translates into doing more: cooking at home more often, exercising more, working harder, and spending more time with family. However, when we are already stressed, overwhelmed, and depleted, adding more to our plates can push our bodies further into survival mode.
When the body remains in a prolonged state of stress, it responds accordingly. Survival mode can lead to chronic muscle tension, shallow or constricted breathing as the airway between the nose and lungs narrows, increased firing of stress hormones, and a heightened risk of hypertension, heart disease, and other negative health outcomes (American Psychological Association, 2018). Stress also significantly disrupts sleep, and sleep and rest are especially crucial during the perinatal period. Insomnia symptoms are associated with a heightened risk of developing depression and anxiety postpartum (Ross, Murray, & Steiner, 2005). Many of us have internalized beliefs that resting equates to laziness, selfishness, absence from our families’ lives, failure, or weakness. Yet research consistently shows that deprioritizing rest has serious consequences for both maternal mental health and family functioning. In one study, women’s self-reported fatigue scores at two days and two weeks postpartum were significantly correlated with scores on the Beck Depression Inventory, a standardized measure of depression (Ross, Murray, & Steiner, 2005). Increased stress combined with decreased sleep raises the likelihood of PMAD development, which, if left untreated, can have downstream effects on children.
The effects of maternal depression on infant health range from physiological to psychological and behavioral. Acknowledging the impact of a parent’s mental health on their child can initially feel like added pressure to “fix” symptoms, but it can also create permission to rest, slow down, and prioritize care. Research shows that symptoms of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders can impair the mother–infant dyadic relationship and contribute to social withdrawal, which has been associated with negative long-term developmental outcomes (Muzik & Borovska, 2010). From this perspective, rest is not selfish; it is selfless. Rather than being optional, it becomes a necessary and protective choice.
You may be wondering how rest is possible when there is an endless list of tasks that need to get done. Rest does not have to mean several uninterrupted hours of sleep, or a full day devoted to self-care. Instead, it is about quality over quantity. The same principle applies to time spent with family: when our cup is empty, there is little left to give.
Motherhood is a 24/7 role, and caring for yourself often requires asking for help. Whether support comes from a partner, family member, or friend, the first step is to acknowledge and express your need for it.
Regulating and Restorative Techniques
Incorporating small, intentional regulation practices into your day can significantly improve the quality of rest and sleep, even when time is limited. One accessible place to start is with breathing. Slowing the breath signals safety to the nervous system and can help shift the body out of survival mode. Gentle practices such as diaphragmatic breathing, box breathing, or simply pausing to take three slow breaths can create meaningful change.
Body-based techniques are also powerful. Body scanning involves bringing awareness to different areas of the body and noticing sensations without judgment. You might silently name what you feel, such as tightness, warmth, heaviness, or ease. If you notice tension, gently breathe into that area with the intention of softening or increasing sensation. Over time, this strengthens the mind–body connection and makes it easier to recognize early signs of stress before they become overwhelming.
Grounding techniques can further support regulation. These may include placing your feet firmly on the floor and noticing the sensation of contact, naming five things you can see or hear, or holding a warm mug or soft object. Sensory input such as warmth, gentle pressure, or soothing sounds can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calm and safety.
Another helpful approach is incorporating brief moments of “micro-rest” throughout the day. This may look like closing your eyes for one minute, resting your head back while feeding your baby, stretching your neck and shoulders, or stepping outside for fresh air. These moments may seem small, but they accumulate and help reduce overall nervous system load.
Finally, naming emotions and internal experiences, whether silently or out loud, can help regulate. Simply acknowledging, “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” or “My body feels tired right now,” can reduce physiological arousal and increase self-compassion. Regulation is not about eliminating stress entirely, but about building capacity to move in and out of stress more gently. A calmer body supports deeper, more restorative sleep and improved REM cycles, which in turn support emotional regulation, mood stability, and resilience.
By choosing less this new year, such as less pressure, less striving, and less self-criticism, you create space for the kind of rest that sustains both you and your family for years to come.
https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1160560/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3083253/
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