“In 2015, I was informed I was pregnant. I was sick a lot and Thursday before mother’s day I had a miscarriage. I was no more than 5 weeks along but was excited to have a baby. I wanted to be a mom growing up. In result of the miscarriage I tucked away the feelings and went forward with my life never fully dealing with the miscarriage until August 2017 after my son was born.

In 2016, I found out I was pregnant again. There was a lot of anxiety about having another miscarriage. As I got closer to my due date I had to do an emergency ultrasound because I was not gaining in the measurements that they do during pregnancy. The ultrasound showed I lost fluid and I had to go to the hospital that night. I was put on three different induction medications to help start the process of labor. One of these medication was over ride by my doctor even though the hospital nurses were against it since my fluid was low. This medication made me over contract. My labor was 32 hours long. I did not have any pain medication either than the gas mask. Eventually the Doctor ordered me to have an epidural. During my labor the doctor yelled at me to be quiet during labor. I had to have epidural put in a total of five times but it did not work fully. It sent stabbing pain in one of my thighs while I was pushing. When I was pushing my contractions stopped for five minutes. Brayson was born at 1:16 AM June 2nd. He had to be resituated right after birth. No one would update me what was going on when I asked. We had to stay in the hospital due to his weight, low blood sugar and a possible infection. One night we had to go to the nursery so he would be put under the light.

When we were able to go home I was not able to calm my mind down and get any sleep. I wrote on paper my thoughts because they were racing nonstop. I was put on medication. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and psychosis. I had intrusive thoughts. Eventually I was told I needed to go to the hospital for help. I was there for a week I was put on more medication and sent to a therapist. I was treated because I got help.

Fast forward to July 2022 I was pregnant again. The OBGYN were so nice and explained things well all through my pregnancy. They even came up with a plan with me for postpartum. My measurements were always spot on and they scheduled an extra ultrasound to make sure things were going well. On February 15 2023 my water broke at home early morning right before 3 AM. We got to the hospital an hour later and I was dilated at 6 cm but hours passed and I was still at 6 cm. I was put on piticon to speed up the process but it did not change from 6 cm. My doctor came in and give me the option of continue the induction process that could have led to an emergency C-Section or go ahead and do a C section. They did a great job explaining everything thoroughly and telling me the risks if we didn’t do something. I decided to do the C section. I had an epidural that went better and was only poked once. The c-section went well other than when I was getting staples my epidural wore off and I had to be given medication because I was moving. At 3:31 PM Zayden was born after twelve and a half hours in labor. The only complication due to breastfeeding challenges from a tight jaw and high palatte was his weight dropped below the 10% so we alternated with formula and breast milk. Four days later we went home. I was not diagnosed with any pernatal mood and anxiety disorders. It was a better experience. I was even able to ask my family for help when I was healing. For both my pregnancies I had an amazing support system that were family and friends.

I joined PSI as a resource support coordinator volunteer to help families find resources they need. In 2021 I did a virtual climb out of the darkness and 2022 to present I have been leading a climb to bring awareness to the community on perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD’s). For more information on the Climb out of the darkness you can visit postpartum.net and click on the climb tab or find my climb page https://www.facebook.com/Climbcentralmaine.”

– Courtney Roy, @amdancer123