A reflection from the “Parenting on Overload: How to reset and manage expectations” panel discussion for World Mental Health Day
Managing the mental load of motherhood is a challenge that many mothers and birthing people experience daily. From tracking doctor’s appointments to remembering school deadlines, these invisible responsibilities add up, making it hard to find balance. At The Motherhood Center, we understand the emotional, physical, and mental toll of carrying this load, and we want to provide practical, compassionate support to help you manage it.
This blog post was inspired by The Motherhood Center’s very own Paige Bellenbaum, LCSW, PMH-C, who was honored to be a panelist for Project Healthy Mind’s World Mental Health Day Festival on October 10th, 2024. The panel, “Parenting on Overload: How to reset and manage expectations,” brought together experts to discuss the overwhelm and stress that parents experience today. Paige shared insights into the maternal mental health crisis, including how the demands placed on modern parents contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout. The discussion underscored how vital it is to recognize the mental load that so many mothers and birthing people carry.
Acknowledge the Load
First and foremost, it’s essential to acknowledge that managing the mental load is real work. It can often feel like you’re “on” all the time, handling both small and large tasks that keep the household running. This mental juggling can be exhausting and overwhelming, especially when layered on top of the physical demands of parenting and work. At The Motherhood Center, we encourage mothers and birthing people to give themselves grace and recognize this mental labor as valid and significant.
Open Communication
Sharing the load starts with open, honest communication with your partner or support network. Often, mothers and birthing people are expected to take on these roles without being asked, and it can be hard to delegate tasks when others don’t see what needs to be done. Start by discussing these invisible tasks with your partner or a trusted person in your life and create a list of what can be shared. Remember, delegating doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re prioritizing your mental health.
Normalize Seeking Help
It’s common for mothers and birthing people to feel like they must manage everything alone. Societal messages often glorify “doing it all” as the ultimate success, but this expectation is neither realistic nor healthy. We believe that seeking help—whether from family, friends, or professional resources like our support groups and counseling services—is a sign of strength. Paige highlighted this during the panel, emphasizing how critical it is to ask for support when managing the overwhelming load of parenting today. If the mental load is contributing to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, or depression, it’s important to reach out.
Prioritize Self-Care
Managing the mental load requires taking time for self-care. It might seem impossible to step away from the ongoing to-do lists, but self-care is essential for mental well-being. Small acts, like setting boundaries, taking a walk, or engaging in mindfulness, can have a profound effect. This also means “leaning out” and learning how to tolerate the distress of not getting everything done. Remember, it’s OK to not cross every task off your to-do list and instead give yourself permission to NOT do these things.
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps
Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed. It’s easy to look at the long list of responsibilities and feel paralyzed by it, but small steps are more achievable and can give you a sense of accomplishment. Try writing things down or using a planner to organize your tasks in a way that feels less burdensome.
As Paige mentioned in the panel, The Motherhood Center provides life-saving treatment to mothers and birthing people facing Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) every day. Our team of clinicians is dedicated to supporting mothers and birthing people as they navigate the challenges of parenting, including the weight of the mental load. Remember, managing the mental load of motherhood is hard, but with the right tools and support, it’s possible to lighten the load. Reach out to us to learn more about how we can help.
Great Reads and Activities on the Mental Load:
- How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids – Jancee Dunn
- Fair Play – Eve Rodsky
- Fair Play Playing Cards – A Couples Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What’s Important – Eve Rodsky
- The Mental Load – Emma
The Motherhood Center of New York: With treatment, everyone can feel better. You are not alone.
Complete a new patient form to learn more about our treatment services. P: (212) 335-0034